Too Tired

I have been so exhausted every day that I just can't get myself to post this.
Not that I do much.
For how much work I have to do, I certainly don't do a lot.

There are 41 more days of school - including a classtrip, career day, field day, a personal day I'm taking for a wedding, and the infamous do-nothing last day of school. So really, that's only 36 more days of school. It is pathetic that I am a grownup who apparently wants to dedicate her life (or at least a good decade or two of that life) to teaching, yet I want to get out of it as much as possible. I took a sick day on Friday (It was ligit, though) and then I was at a conference yesterday all day. Waking up each morning and dreading the day ahead of me is a terrible way to live. I hope next year is better. I hope next year I can get things better than this year.

Tomorrow is our class trip. I'm nervous and scared. I hate class trips. I hate that I don't have enough chaperones at this point because my mentor is ignoring me. What a waste the whole having-a-mentor-thing-is. I have probably met with her a dozen times. She has never modeled a lesson. She has never helped me create discipline plans or assessments. She has never looked at my lessons. She has never both observed me AND then talked about my performance with me. I know she has a lot of teachers to help out, but all I ask for is like an hour a week - how could it possibly be that I can't get that?

I am going to try to post more often.

Kids are driving me crazy, I accomplish a third of what I plan to each day, I am still overwhelmed by everything going on...

__________

I am a five foot two inch, white, young, female teacher. I never thought much of it. When I first moved to Brooklyn I did become a bit conscious of my different appearance from most of my neighborhood. Not in a negative way, but simply in a "wow, I am once again the only while female on this block" sort of thing.

In any event, I NEVER felt I had to apologize for my complexion. But since becoming a teacher I feel I should. I am constantly being told that 75% of teachers are white females and that we shouldn't be white or female because it hurts children. That kids should be being taught by teachers who look like them so that they can aspire to become educators as well.

What do they want me to do? Would they rather me be there, teaching, caring, and helping students or would they rather have no teacher for these kids? Or an unqualified teacher? I understand - to a point - why Chinese kids should have Chinese teachers and Haitian kids should have Haitian teachers - but that just doesn't happen. I also disagree a bit. My students have only met probably five white people in their lives. (most likely, all are teachers) If we keep them totally segregated they will never experience other cultures or races.

I hate that I am told that I should be apologizing for my race. I hate that I am told that I am doing a disservice by teaching these kids. It's ridiculous.

End rant.