Spring Break

It's spring break in the NYC Public Schools. I went home to stay at my parents' house for the majority of the break. Going home, sleeping in my high-school bed, relying on my mom for rides, and doing free laundry at my leisure - I no longer felt like an adult. I find that a week back in highschool or college mode makes it difficult to transition back to my apartment being the grown-up again. I still don't feel like I should be responsible for 25 children - their education, their safety, their happiness. It's overwhelming. I still ask my mom for a ride to the mall in PA, yet I am in NY and explaining to parents how to better raise their children.

In other news, I love the urban spring-time. I am creating a fire-escape garden. I grew up in a home with a huge yard, both front and back, and never did more than mow the grass if my brother wasn't around. Now I'm potting plants and watering flowers, and all sorts of things. I am also killing bugs and catching mice and trying to not scream when I turn on the lights in my bathroom.

Living alone has good ups, but lots of downs too.

After a week of living at home again, it makes me wonder if this is what I want to be happy. Friends from college live at home and substitute teach. Friends from college are waitressing while living back in PA. And maybe that would make me happier. I would be less stressed. I would be less crazy.

If I knew I was making a positive difference, I would want to keep teaching. But I don't see this. I feel like I'm stressed for nothing. And I hate that feeling.

Let me live up my last day of spring break.
55 more days of school.